Visit with my 76 year old mother

My husband and I recently traveled to Texas to visit my mom. I made a couple of videos of her. She is somthing else!I love her so much, but her love of smoking has dominated her life for so long. I feel like it is killing her.

Here is a photo of my mother. She is 77 years old.

I love my job

I love my job. I really like the folks I work with.

I left the U.S. Attorney’s Office to take my mother home to Texas, as she said “…I want to go home to die…” this was two years ago.

I worked briefly with the Department of Labor in Dallas, as an administrative legal assistant. I absolutely disliked the commute, the building and the “work”…what a waste of my time. I suppose I should be thankful they afforded me the opportunity for a job and to continue my federal career, but it was just awful.

I returned to Washington to marry my husband, leaving my mother and son in Texas. I bear quite a bit of guilt about that, but one must live one’s own life. I applied for and was selected for the job I currently hold at the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

I work for eight attorneys. I say work, but I mainly do the payroll, purchase a variety of office-related items and services, monitor a million and a half dollar budget, scan documents, organize files, make coffee, take care of the mail, etc. Compared to the U.S. Attorney’s Office, the job is relatively stress-free and pleasant. I wonder how I survived with the USAO for almost 18 years, dealing with high-strung, sometimes mean and nasty prosecutors and equally hateful support staffers. I can’t see myself returning to such a toxic environment.

I have a one-hour commute each way, but I take a van pool and can sleep or cat-nap the entire way. So it isn’t so bad. I’ve been here almost a year, and still enjoy coming in each day and feeling comfortable with my surroundings.

THINGS I MISS ABOUT TEXAS

THINGS I MISS ABOUT TEXAS:
my seeing my son’s blue eyes
seeing my mother’s fragility in her old age
the car wash on University Drive
Sonic Drive-in
Berry Street
the bricks on Camp Bowie Blvd.
Hulen
Hulen Mall
the Pizza Guys at Ridgmar Mall
Dillards
having lunch with my friend Colleen
Wednesdays at the Flying Saucer downtown
sitting at the coffee shop on Houston Street in summertime
the AMC Sundance
walking home
Burnett Plaza
the sausage biscuits at the deli at Burnett Plaza
having my son drop by and clean out my fridge
seeing storms coming in from the west
the sounds of Spanish speaking people
$1.25 dry cleaners
Hurricane Harbor
really good Mexican food
the smell of the Federal Courthouse in summer
David Finfrock
Tammy Dombeck
the Dallas Cowboys, and I don’t even really like them
the heat rising up from the cement in July
the call of Grackle birds in summer
Starplex Ampitheater
the wide blue skies
seeing cowboy boots with business suits
the going into an air-conditioned house in summer
bagels from Einsteins on University
fireworks on the 4th of July by downtown
Town Talk Food Store
Hillside Apartments
Main Street Arts Festival
Trinity Park
movies at the Modern
Hemphill Street,

Monday Recruits are here.

I walk into the building at 6:15 a.m. and there they are. Lined up in the hallway. They are young, male and female. Some have a vacant look in their eyes, some look scared, some arrogant. I pass by them and wonder how many will be here next year. Some are my son’s age and I wonder how many have mothers at home who are crying their eyes out, knowing they precious child will be in danger soon. You give them life and it is theirs to live. After a point you have no control of their actions. All you can do is pray and hope they they will follow a safe path. It is a very sad way to start the day, seeing these young people, the only true assets we have as Americans, going away to face the unknown, the awful truth of war.

I do understand their need to volunteer. I volunteered to support the Katrina relief effort. I put in long days in miserable conditions to help my fellow Americans. But I wonder, if these children were directed in another way, would they be here, volunteering to put their life on the line for people who probably couldn’t care less about democracy, for a people who are apathetic about fighting their own war? Would these people be willing to come to our aid?

I can honestly say I am proud that my son, perhaps from the direction I sent him, did not elect to perform military service. He is my only child and I truly don’t think I could survive the uncertainty involved in military service during war-time. I’m sure some would say that these thoughts are selfish.

As a child during the Vietnam era, I remember with a crystal clarity sitting at the dinner table, when families used to do that, and watching the CBS News with Walter Chronkite. “This is Dan Rather reporting from Vietnam (or Cambodia)”. He would be giving the daily body count, presenting video of young people almost my age in fire-fights with phantom assailants, soldiers screaming in agony after being shot or having their limbs ripped away by shrapnel. These images were burned in my brain. Every night. Like it was our patriotic duty to watch the carnage, to be a witness to it.

Several years later, as an employee of the U.S. Attorney’s Office, I had the chance to attend a class in Washington, D.C. While there, I went to the Vietnam Memorial. I saw family members sobbing at the sight of the name of their dead loved one. I wondered, did this mother or father have a say in their child’s action? Did they approve of their son going to a foreign land to participate in a war? Were they proud of their child, all dressed up in his Class-A uniform? Surely they couldn’t be so naïve to believe all the bullets would miss their special child? That he could possibly not return in one piece. Not my child, he would never be in a wheelchair, or missing a eye, or brain damaged.

I’m sure all of this makes no sense to most people, but I just think of all this when I see those young people all lined up, so early in the morning, eager to get away, to have a new adventure. It really hurts me to see it.

Happy New Year!

Things have improved since my last post. My mom continues to recover from her heart attack. She has many worries, fears and obsesses about many things. She is old, fearful of the death that is coming, knows she can't do much at this point to improve her health, so she continues to sneak food she shouldn't eat, smoke, create family dramas, etc.

Had a great visit over Christmas. Spent time with my extraordinary son, Joe Ortiz, Jr., who continues to create ways to improve himself and his life. I am totally supportive of him and his efforts. He is so far past me mentally. What did I do to create this outstanding person? Sure, he has his faults, has a temper mainly, but his intelligence and maturity continue to impress me. He is returning to college which I truly hope he enjoys going back to school, after all, learning can be enjoyable.

Christmas day we went to see the Producers, and the day after we had breakfast together. Oh, how I miss him!

Still getting stuff out of the Graham house. Husband elected to sell the house in the country to accomodate me...otherwise I would have a 110 a day drive, minimum time was two hours each way. We are buying a 2/2 condo at Pacific Tower in Tacoma. I look foward to actually living in the same place and being married. Will post again after close.